Work wife? Work husband? That may sound like a scandalous affair, but these workplace relationships are almost always close but platonic bonds.

Hear what the experts told Newsweek about the work spouse phenomenon, why having one can be beneficial and how to build healthy relationships in the office.

What Are Work Spouses?

"A work spouse is a distinct interpersonal relationship at work characterized by co-workers with a close, platonic bond similar to the bond of marriage. This relationship develops from an initial attraction—a chemistry resulting from shared interests, values or compatible personalities."

That's according to Marilyn Whitman, of the Culverhouse College of Business, and Ashley Mandeville, of the Lutgert College of Business. They are leading researchers on the work spouse phenomenon, routinely publishing on the subject in peer-reviewed journals.

"Simply put, a work spouse is one's 'go-to' person, a confidant, one who knows you better than anyone else at work," they said.

Erin Mantz, vice president of employee engagement at Zeno Group and someone with firsthand experience of work spouse relationships, echoed this notion. "This is someone who 'gets you,' lives within the same workplace and culture and deals with many of the same people you do," she said.

People in many workplaces call their close friends "work wives" or "work husbands." Using these intimate terms can make many people—including actual spouses—uncomfortable. It also creates a popular perception that these relationships are actually budding workplace romances.

"This couldn't be further from the truth," Whitman and Mandeville said. "Employees enter workplace romances typically for reasons of adventure seeking, sexual experience or job-related motives. Whereas a work spouse relationship stems from feelings of bonding in a domain outside of the home."

Signs You Have a Work Spouse

"If you have a work spouse, you are well aware of it [in most cases]," Mantz said. But for those who are uncertain of their work spouse status, she recommends asking yourself three questions:

• If something at work troubles you, is there a particular co-worker you rush to?
• Is there someone who can always make you laugh at work?
• Do you have a worker that you feel a special sense of trust and kinship with?

There is no ceremony for declaring work spouses. But if you feel especially close to one of your co-workers in a non-romantic way, that person could be your work spouse.

Is It Appropriate to Have a Work Spouse?

Opinions are mixed, according to a poll conducted by Redfield & Wilton Strategies for Newsweek on March 20. Twenty-one percent of U.S. adults said it's OK to have a work spouse. Forty-five percent said it wasn't appropriate.

However, like many workplace sentiments, feelings about work spouses are sharply divided along generational lines. Members of Generation Z and baby boomers are most likely to approve of work spouse relationships. The middle cohorts—millennials and Generation X—were more likely to disapprove.

Do people disapprove of work spouse relationships because of principled stances on workplace bonding? Or are their concerns based on misunderstandings? Whitman and Mandeville lean toward the latter.

"Perhaps the most significant negative effect for those in a work spouse relationship is managing the misperceptions from co-workers and, in some cases, jealous spouses at home," they said. Many people share the incorrect belief that work spouse relationships are budding romances.

"By not understanding the true nature of the relationship, [we risk] missing the opportunity to capitalize on a unique workplace relationship whose unique benefits appear to far outweigh its drawbacks," they said.

Benefits of Having a Work Spouse

The experts we spoke to agree that there are many benefits to having a work spouse:

• Emotional support. The work spouse is someone who supports you through all the trials and tribulations of work life. They have your back when you want to stand up for your point of view, and they offer a sympathetic ear when you need it.
• Stress relief. This person understands the same workplace annoyances as you and can always make you laugh or help you relax when work gets tiring.
• Like-minded mentors. Your work spouse can help you navigate a problem in the workplace based on his or her experience and shared values.
• Streamlined communication. Researchers have discovered that work spouses communicate very well with each other thanks to their shared bond, according to an article in Communication Studies.
• Doing your best. The support work spouses offer, coupled with the shared communication skills, makes both members of the relationship better employees.

Some potential benefits of work spouse relationships await further research. For example, Whitman and Mandeville point out that employee discontent and disengagement are on the rise. Workplace connections, including work spouse relationships, could help mend those gaps.

Despite the popular conception of work spouse relationships as office romances, the real benefits have nothing to do with romantic satisfaction. However, those with work spouses should be careful to maintain respectful boundaries in their relationships.

The Downsides of Having a Work Spouse

"If your work spouse leaves, willingly or not, you may feel more lonely or frustrated at work than you have ever been," Mantz cautions.

Work spouse relationships can take years to build up. So if that person leaves, it could be a while before you find someone else in the office whom you trust as much.

Close office relationships can also make it harder to quit your job, even if moving to another company would help your career.

"Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all?" Mantz said. "It's an answer everyone has to consider for themselves."

How to Navigate Work Friendships with Boundaries

The benefits of work spouse relationships strongly outweigh the drawbacks. But getting the most out of a work spouse depends on your ability to keep the relationship respectful and professional.

To avoid uncomfortable workplace relationships, the Cleveland Clinic recommends:

• Limiting the personal information you share. Your work spouse is a trusted confidant for all work-related things. Limit the relationship mainly to work issues. Or slowly work up to discussing more details from your personal life.
• Respecting your work spouse's boundaries. Are you sure your work spouse shares the same idea about your bond? Make sure to respect the person's boundaries about the information you share and your expectations for the relationship.
• Avoiding office gossip. It's the worst enemy of any work spouse relationship. Don't listen to it and don't engage with it.
• Verbally establishing your boundaries. Work spouses may sometimes seem telepathic, given how well they understand each other, but don't take that communication for granted. If your work spouse crosses a boundary, say something.

Mantz's top three pieces of advice: "Keep the secrets, always make time for one another and don't let the relationship turn romantic."

What Does the Future Hold for Work Spouses?

Love it or hate it, remote work is the new normal for many people. Can work spouse relationships, which grew up in the tightly knit offices of past decades, survive the changing landscape of work?

"Spending more time at work and engaging with co-workers outside of work has been cited as one of the leading factors contributing to the increase in strong interpersonal workplace bonds," Whitman and Mandeville said.

The pair studied work spouse relationships in the context of the COVID pandemic, when many workers were stationed at home, in a 2022 paper.

"Our findings indicated that work spouses who interacted more frequently during the pandemic crisis compared to pre-pandemic reported greater affective commitment and job satisfaction," they said. "For employees already in a work spouse relationship, the sudden physical separation doesn't seem to negatively impact the relational energy they offer each other, and they continue to reap the benefits of the connection."

But that only applies to people who were already work spouses before the pandemic. What about new work spouse relationships in a post-COVID world?

"We fear that remote work arrangements may negatively impact the formation of such bonds," they said. "Working remotely often significantly limits the physical proximity and spontaneous interactions (e.g., watercooler chats) necessary for the formation of strong interpersonal bonds."

That doesn't mean work spouses will disappear. They may come back in new forms as organizations learn how to engage employees in remote environments. You might find your next work spouse in a Zoom call or on a Slack channel dedicated to cute animal pictures.

Uncommon Knowledge

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

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